okay... the burnout is strong. i've become directionless and deep in a rut. it's frustrating and it makes me literally feel terrible when i sit down to play and i'm like *siiiiigh*, "meh". it's a ruff place to be in and it's certainly hard to get out. but I think I know why I ended up here in the first place. lemme explain.
full transparency: I started this post months ago. I, like most things over the past few months, was not able to finish it. now I think I can.
several months ago, likely back in July or maybe August, one of my teachers had me start working in melodic improvisation. this was way out of my comfort zone and a brand new concept all together so it needed a lot of attention. a lot of attention. I realized that this sort of path was going to ultimately lead to the language aspects of music and me developing a voice on the instrument. kind of a big deal and in no way a casual endeavor.
after a few weeks working on it it became clear that I was going to have to go all in on it, at least for a while, to get over the initial hump which is like a 90° wall straight up. like every other adult in this modern world I have a limited amount of time to practice and this work was very time consuming. it seemed like I had to spend a lot of time mentally warming up and getting used to the exercises to be able to "do the work" that I had little time to do anything else. so I made the decision that this was important enough to focus on this at the expense of pretty much everything else, at least for a little while.
for the next few months I was in excellent shape. I was rapidly developing my ear and my ability to work with a melody and improvise around it. it was so exhilarating to feel like I had control over the instrument and what I was playing. for the first time was able to play something that popped out in the moment while knowing what it was going to sound like. there were no surprises, it was all intentional. I did this for likely 2 months before everything sort of came to a sputtering halt. some time in October I was just so burnt out that I had little desire or energy to even pick up the bass let alone try to practice. I went from likely the best shape I've ever been in to actively avoiding the instrument altogether. why?
I think I have an answer after months of getting back into a sustainable routine. the short version is I need a structured practice routine where I can effectively check things off a list. the long version is the practice I needed to do to wrap my head around melodic improv was so time consuming and somewhat nebulous that it felt unstructured and directionless. although I was making progress it felt unfocused and therefore hard for me to develop a practice routine around it. for an hour to 90 minutes I felt like I was just sort of noodling around and getting my bearings. yes, I was actually making progress, but it was very subjective progress. I could not measure it with a metronome or do a set number of reps to learn fingering or something. it was something that happened in the moment and I either got it or I didn't.
this type of practice ultimately just doesn't work for me and I learned that in a very hard way. I do not know exactly how to work it in in an effective way yet. I do still believe that this will be the most effective path to having a voice on the instrument but I'm not sure what the cost will be. in an attempt to help dislodge me from this rut I started up lessons with a second teacher that has a very different style and focus. I think I need alternate perspectives.
between the two I'll be able to find a good balance between the disciplines that I'll have a better chance if staying on track. burnout will always be a possibility but enlisting the help of some teachers that have seen it all will likely help prevent it or at least help mitigate it.
that, having been said, this past week I had a lesson with Todd and we talked about me working nights and my weird sleep schedule. I explained how I work in practice and he said he has to give me credit for sticking with it because he's seen plenty of people call it quits for a lot less. for the past several years practice has been a non-negotiable and I've always scheduled sleep around it.
