Recently I’ve been journaling. Specifically, journaling about bass. I’ll spend some time when I get a chance at work or home and I just write about whatever it is I’m thinking about in regards to the instrument, my relationship with it, music in general, and where I fit in. it’s an interesting activity to engage in. through the process of writing I’ll lay down in concrete form my thoughts, however they come out on the page. But by writing them down they take shape. What may have been a vague idea in my head now is an actual thought. Sometimes seeing something in writing suddenly puts it into a new context or just makes sense.

In particular I was writing about my past musical practice. I feel like I’m nowhere near where I “should be” at this point… or at least nowhere near where I’d like to be. Objectively looking at it, it became obvious of where my main weakness is and what has been a source of fear and shame for, well, since forever. And that thing is my ear. I have a very under developed ear and that has been a massive hindrance in my musical development since I was, uh… 15? ouch.

I’ve always thought I had a decent ear. As soon as I got a bass at 15 I started listening to music differently. I was now actively listening for the bass. I was separating instruments. I was focusing on just the high hat or the right guitar. In conversation with someone over some lyrics to a song that was a staple of our youth I said “I don’t know what those lyrics are from” and he was like “yeah you do, it’s from this song”. I went on to explain that I didn’t listen to lyrics at all but separated out the instruments and listened to them like that. He did not. I’ve always thought that was interesting.

I thought that my listening was pretty good, but I may have inadvertently did myself a disservice because I now no longer was listening to music but rather was paying attention to individual parts or instruments. I think this is a handy skill, but it precludes quite a bit.

So here I am. I’ve done some journaling. I’ve had some thoughts on things and I have decided that I need some objectivity about myself. I’ve been so narrowly focused on bass that I’ve neglected so much else to the point of self-sabotage. In discussion with one of my bass teachers I mentioned that I had a hard time distinguishing chords and he simply said, “well let’s work on that”. He shined a light on the issue and as silly as it is, sometimes it just takes someone to point out the obvious to actually make you take notice.

I went a way from that lesson with much to think about. I would obviously start to work on my harmonic ear, but I wasn’t quite sure how I’d go about it. My obvious first thought was I’d just bust out a guitar and use that for working with chords, but that got panned about as quick as I had though of it. My reasoning was since a guitar’s fret board is the same as bass I’d likely let my hands and thinkybits guide the process as I’d slip into familiar shapes and patterns. My second thought was to use a keyboard of some sort, after all, I did already have one laying around that has gotten zero usage. I tossed that idea because I didn’t want to have to deal with the learning curve of a new instrument. But then I thought about it a little more and decided that’s exactly what I needed to do. Not having any preconceived visual map, programmed patterns, or muscle memory to undercut my ear I’d have to let it be the guide. The whole point is to develop my ear so I should do something that requires me to use my ear. It’s so obvious and I’m obviously an idiot.

I’ve gotten my practice schedule back on track. I’ve been getting up at 2:45am three nights a week so I can get an hour, hour and 15 minutes, in before work. I’ve learned the hard way (again) that thinking I’m going to practice when I get home just never works. So I get up and I’ve been using the aforementioned keyboard and identifying random chords in a particular key. It’s been challenging but that’s clearly a sign that I have room to grow.

It’s been so much fun and the colors! Playing bass I live in a world of single notes so being able to actually play a chord AND upper extensions has been super gratifying. Playing around with different voicings and spreading things out a bit has also been a learning experience. and i was right in regards to my reasoning for using a keyboard, not having any programmed shapes or patterns forces me to follow my ear. i have to hear first and then think about where to put my fingers based on what i'm hearing. bingo.

my takeaway from this situation is that I need to get out of my own way. I may think I have a good handle on things and that I know best for myself but I clearly do not. Taking a step back and being honest about what I am and am not good at is difficult for sure and may require outside input. But in doing so I’m able to address those weaknesses and that should help get me pointed in the right direction.